St Valentine
by kc creation
Summary: It wasn't so much about the beginning and the ending as all the little moments between, like the first time Axel got lost in Roxas's eyes, or the moment Roxas realized he loved Axel more than anything else. Nothing else mattered anyway. Drabbles, Akuroku


**St Valentine**

_1. The Beginning_

It all started with three little words, mumbled and only barely audible, and if Roxas had any sense at all, he would have disregarded them. As it was, there were a number of Organization members that would argue, yes indeed, number thirteen was an anomaly Nobody, born with no sense whatsoever, and in all honestly, the blonde couldn't rightly ignore anything that sent such a shudder through his non-heart. The imaginary heart in question pulsed against his breastbone like the legs of a rather jumpy grasshopper, and he willed his breath to normal because nervousness was an emotion and emotions were for _humans_ with_ hearts_. (So was _love_, he mused, and he promised himself that he'd address that issue with Axel the moment he stopped hyperventilating) Axel must have been testing him, surely, because every self-respecting Nobody knew that, for them, there was no such thing as feeling. When the redhead breathed a shaky_, "I love you",_ Roxas wanted to laugh, to grab him by the shoulders and scream, _"But we have no hearts!"_ and while his hands did eventually make their way to Axel's shoulders, it was only after the redhead had claimed his lips.

_2. Chocolate_

"I know it's not much, but it's not like you have the heart to be offended, right?" Axel's joke sounded flat even in his own ears, but it was customary that they noted their own heartlessness, if only to expel the nervous jitters that they shouldn't have been feeling or the blood that slowly crept to Axel's burning ears and Roxas's round cheeks. The blonde accepted the sizable box of chocolates (because if there was one thing in all of the madness between the two of them that Axel was completely sure of, it was Roxas's sweet tooth) with the ghost of a chuckle, smiling the smile that Axel yearned for the heart to love, before drawing out a tiny, _"Thank you" _that lit a fire in the redhead's stomach that he hadn't felt since his days in Radiant Garden, when a twin blonde with the same cerulean eyes smiled at him for the very first time.

_3. Nicknames_

Axel prided himself on his innate ability to always be prepared for the worst, no matter what, but admittedly, he never quite knew what to expect when it came to number XIII. The blonde had a way of turning his rock solid perspective on its head, if not by his penchant for attracting a surplus of heartless, then the shocking speed at which he could take care of them with minimal effort , then by his unusual habit of forgetting all of his accumulated memories at the drop of a hat. So when Roxas mentioned one crisp spring morning that, "Xigbar won't stop calling you Flamesilocks." Axel knew that he shouldn't have been surprised that he was surprised. "D-does he now?" he questioned, uncertain as to just what was twinkling in his younger friend's eyes. "And he told me to ask you something, but I'm not sure what it means." The blonde answered blithely, unwrapping the packaging of his ice cream as Axel struggled to swallow the melting remnants his own. Roxas was relaxed; all smiles and sunshine in the chilly breeze and Axel found himself hoping that the mirth would never vacate the shadows of his once empty eyes. "Try me, Rox." He grinned, catlike, green eyes full of Roxas as the teen nibbled on his sea salt bar. "Well," The keyblader hesitated as he tried to wrap his mind around the words he wanted to express. "He told me to ask you if the carpets matched the drapes, but our rooms are all uniform white, so of course they do." Axel coughed desperately, ice cream stuck in his throat as his face ignited and blood rushed to his ears, but, he supposed, he really wasn't surprised that he was surprised.

_4. Death_

It ended in _Betwixt and Between,_ a tiny sub-world on the way to _The World that Never Was_. Axel had never considered himself much of a soldier, especially not one of the kamikaze variety, but with glance into Sora's sky blue eyes, so full of fear and longing and a bravery that knew no bounds -the windows into Roxas's soul- he knew that he could never let the boy die, even if it meant spending eternity in darkness.

_5. Laughter_

"My Somebody's name was Lea." Axel chirped matter-of-factly one chilly February afternoon as the ice cream between Roxas's fingers felt unnecessarily cold, but he ate it regardless, for the sake habit and the comfort that came with it. "Isn't that a girl's name?" The blonde questioned through a mouthful of sea salt flavored frost and Axel coughed- and offended, appalled cough- before Roxas laughed his magical, musical laugh and the he decided that number XIII could make fun of his former name as much as he wanted, as long as he never stopped making that wonderful sound.

_6. The After_

There was darkness and there was emptiness. There was loneliness and sadness. There were tiny, glassy rocks and darkened shores with black sand that clung to the leather of his boots and jagged boulders with neon veins that glowed eerily through the thick smog of perpetual nightfall. There was silence and it was deafening. The constant pressure of it built behind his eyes, pulsing beneath his skin until he felt that he would burst under the growing weight of the nothingness that settled upon him like a smothering, blinding blanket. He groped through the inky space, unable to see much aside from his outstretched hand in front of him and he swallowed the growing lump in his throat. He remembered the sunset, so warm on his face, so much brighter than the dreary world around him. He remembered the rough feel of the concrete ledge of Twilight Town's infamous clock tower beneath his gloved palms. He remembered the sunset, the streak of crimson that bled through the skyline as dusk took reign of the world around him. He recalled the taste of salt and the sweetest sugar on his tongue, the shadow of a lone blonde, always sitting in his peripherals and laughing at his better jokes. In the depths of his memories, there was also a tiny, dark haired girl who always seemed to be running away and one day, disappeared for good, but in the forefront of his subconscious, there were luminous blue eyes, sparkling more brilliantly than the brightest star he'd seen and a smile that could light even the darkest of shadows. He recalled the tingle that erupted in his heart when the blonde looked at him and _only him_, the heat of breath against his cheek and the heaviness of arms around his neck, resting on broad shoulders. If he thought hard enough, he could remember giving his life for those eyes and that pretty little smile, could recall a voice calling his name as he faded into darkness. It had been worth it, he mused, if that blonde angel was safe, to venture through this new world forever in search of _something _(his heart, maybe? The light within the omnipotent darkness?), but he realized, time and time again, with the same depthless sorrow that sat heavily in the pit of his stomach, that with all the gloom and sadness and the gentle hum of the waves- there was no Roxas by his side.

_7. Comparison_

Riku was muscular in ways that Axel was not. His legs were chiseled but short, while Axel's were thin ribbons that could go on for miles. While the redhead had wide hips, curving gently from his narrow waist as if he were some _woman_, Riku's figure was definitely that of a budding man- strong but lean and rippled with muscles that no other boy his age had the means to obtain. Roxas was positive that if he were ever to see Riku's eyes, had they not constantly been shielded behind his mysterious blindfold, they would be aglow with rampant emotions that Axel surely didn't have the heart to feel. He supposed that if he compared the two of them, it would seem that Axel was always in second place, consistently dragged down by his growing list of shortcomings, but he also realized that Riku didn't wait for him every day at the clock tower and Riku had never bought him ice cream. The elusive silver haired teen didn't have a secret smile, just for him (or one at all, really) and he didn't know that special spot that, if kissed, sent a flurry of pleasure coursing throughout his entire being. It wasn't that there was anything _wrong_ with Riku, _really_, but he definitely was no Axel, and so, when the silverette tried to coax him away with words so gentle that he almost couldn't help but follow, he realized, he could never love him with all of his non-heart, not the way he loved Axel.

_8. Longing_

The island was beautiful; a myriad of saturated colors and overwhelming sensations: A beach with pure white sand, soft like silk beneath his heels and between his bare toes. The wind, a light caress, the scent of fresh fruit and the salt of the ocean clinging to the air like a thick perfume. The leaves of the palm trees were a luscious green, like the emerald of a certain man's eyes that Roxas couldn't quite bring himself to forget. _"This isn't heaven."_ A mysterious voice whispered, words nearly lost in the gentle breeze. _"If this were heaven, you wouldn't be so lonely."_ And he _was_ lonely, he supposed. The wet sweetness of papou fruit on his tongue, the dribble sneaking from the corners of his lips, over the slight curve of his chin could not distract him from the incessant clenching in his stomach, the dull twinge in his heart. Even in this paradise, he couldn't ignore those little discomforts. They bred and multiplied and became all that he could think of: how clammy his flesh felt without the touch of fiery fingers, how the sand could never be as soft as that of a certain someone's lips against his own, and how the sun could never be as warm as that smile, the ocean's tepid waves never as welcoming as those open arms. "I miss him." He hissed through clenched teeth, the tears on his cheeks salty like the ocean, warm like its waves, and he was hollow, more empty than he'd ever felt, even as a Nobody because at least as a Nobody, he'd had _him. "Sora is lonely too."_ The voice answered, painfully tired, a sleepy twin to his. _"We all miss someone very important, but they're gone now and there's no turning back."_ And Roxas smirked, a practiced motion, robotic and artificial just like himself. "I know, Ven." He drew out, a quiet murmur in the lulling cries of seagulls and whale's songs in the distance. "But not everyone can sleep away eternity." Ven's resounding laughter sounded like sobbing and Roxas willed himself away from the beach as the tide rose to its highest. There was a constant pulsing in this world, the perpetual beating of Sora's heart, and Roxas noticed long ago, that if he concentrated hard enough, it almost sounded like Axel's. And sometimes, that was enough.

_Fin._

_I wrote a total of eleven possible candidates for this story and, in the end, these were the eight that came out on top. I'm going to say that I chose only eight because of Axel's rank, but in all honestly, the other three were complete garbage._

_I've been wanting to write "Laughter" ever since I read a few fan-theories about Birth By Sleep (before we knew much else about Axel's Somebody aside from the name "Lea"), and one person (bless their heart) wrote, "Well, I think Axel's Somebody was a girl named Leah." Which I thought was so adorable and silly that I almost hoped it was true, but alas~_

_Ranting aside, thank you so much for reading, and please don't hesitate to send a review and tell me what you thought! Also, if I don't post anything new by then, Happy Valentine's Day!_


End file.
